Discredited Lao Says Scroll Rat Was “Probably a Composite Character,” And Not Based On Any Specific Individual
By BO GUAGUA
Wildlife Correspondent
NANJING — A brown rat who goes by the name Mr. Lao Shu admitted today at a press conference that his lifelong assertion to be a direct descendant of one of the rats depicted in the famous 15th-century Ming Dynasty painting The Silk Scroll of Three Rats is a complete fabrication.
“I did it for the fame, for the money, and for the women rats,” Lao said tearfully, addressing the greater Nanjing rat community and assembled members of the press. His personal fortune was assessed by the city tax collector at three shiny bottle caps, and a bent spoon. Reports of a ball of aluminum foil could not be corroborated, and ultimately were dismissed as rumour.
Lao, who alleged to have descended from a line of over 600 generations tracing back to the first domesticated rats kept by Ming Dynasty emperors and aristocrats as pets, asserted that he had genealogical records dating to the early 15th century to substantiate his claim. Upon closer examination, the documents turned out to be takeaway menus from several nearby restaurants.
He often recounted tales he said were passed down from father to son for hundreds of years, telling passersby, “My ancestors traveled all over the world, and knew Admiral Zheng He, personally. One of my ancient grandfathers was responsible for bringing the plague to Cairo in 1429.”
He often bragged to have royal relatives in Bangkok, Jakarta, Khasab, Mogadishu, and Mombasa, and said he dined exclusively on the finest trash heaps of five-star hotels in the city, including the Ritz-Carlton on Zhongshan Rd and the Grand Mansion in Xuanwu.
Lao Shu, who wrote three books based on his false claims—Red Rat Rising, The Sewers Are My Kingdom, and King Rat—admitted he barely knew his mother, having been pushed out of the nest at five weeks old, and had zero knowledge of who his father might have been.
“I’m just a regular rat, actually.”
At press time, Lao Shu was seen trying to convince a group of younger rats that he once ate an entire page from a history book about Zheng He’s treasure fleet.
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