By WANG WEI
Political Correspondent
OSLO (China Daily Show) – Representatives of various embassies expressed doubts today over their attendance, previously described as “in the bag,” after Nobel organizers admitted the after-party would likely be “pretty boring.”
“We’d planned big party as usual,” said Nobel Peace Prize spokesman Arne Norblat. “Colombian ambassador normally brings huge kilo of blow, for example, while [Moroccan ambassador] Tariq [Khan] always has enough gear for everyone to get their smoke on. Last year was fucking gas, man, but this time, quite few of major players aren’t coming.”
“There’ll be plenty of smoked-salmon sandwiches, though,” added Norblat.
Colombia and Morocco are two of 19 countries who have decided to boycott this year’s Peace Prize, controversially awarded to jailed Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo, currently serving an 11-year sentence for “inciting subversion of state power.”
Other nations include Serbia, Iraq, Iran, Vietnam and the Philippines, whose withdrawal is said to have disrupted plans to lead delegates in a “hot-tub hooker conga” after the awards ceremony.
“Nobody cares about Saudi Arabia, Sudan or Egypt,” said Norblat. “Those guys have really tight asses. Last year, we just wait for them to leave before busting out the good shit and getting party started.”
Norbalt said that the Committee was particularly hurt after receiving a text message from the German ambassador, saying he might have “accidentally überbucht” that evening. German pages privately confirmed the ambassador has received a much more promising invitation to an Expat Beer Pong Challenge at a local brauhaus.
Hopes that the U.S. might at least bring some “Iowan bush weed” hung in the air after reports from the embassy indicated the ambassador was “weighing his options.”
According to an anonymous source from the Nobel Committee, after-party organizers had considered a quick run to Amsterdam, but felt that the quality and amounts could not be accurately relied upon, and that “it just wouldn’t be the same.”
Further embarrassment was heaped upon the Nobel Committee Wednesday after Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez publicly announced he would not be attending the December 11 ceremony and urged “the international despot community” to instead join him at a piranha party, held at an undisclosed location, but likely to be under a volcano.
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