By WEINI PU
Dynasty Correspondent
(BEIJING) — China’s State Council has announced plans to close the mainland for a short period, and re-open as a Qing-style theme park and shopping center, complete with new time-honored brands and the biggest parking lot in the world.
The leaked ambitions follow reports that the country’s constitution will also be amended to allow leaders to rule indefinitely.
“It’s going to be great, like going back to olden times,” enthused one source close to the plans. “Imagine… living in a world of emperors who wield unlimited power and influence, a world where your daughters can freely choose to become a concubine or handmaiden, a place where almost all the men are eunuchs. And you have no choice but to stay.”
A leaked tourism brochure suggests that “upon leaving the airport, life will be like stepping back in time to a place where Western values have been utterly vanquished, patriarchy is triumphant and everyone’s trying to escape. But — there is no escape.”
The vast 3.7 million square-mile New China Qing Mall and Theme Park will include compulsory brands and restaurants such as It’s Noodles or Nothing, Auntie Wang’s World-Famous Bound Feet, and Pigtails R Us, as well as non-voluntary games, including Bury that Scholar, A Thousand Cuts! and adults-only ride Take Your Daughter to the Foreign Quarter.
“The plan is to build the whole country in seven days, and go full Qing next week,” our source added. “Or is it full Qin… ah, who can tell the difference these days?”
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