Value of Face Plummets Across Mainland China
Central Bank Denies Reports of Shadow Market in Discarded Honorifics By Ruan ShiliCultural Correspondent BEIJING — The value of face (面子) (600FCE.SS) has collapsed across […]
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Chinese Navy, Coast Guard, and Philippines Coast Guard Recreate Iconic ‘Star Destroyer Collision Scene’ From “The Empire Strikes Back” In Viral Prank
Culture Ministry Proposes Full Remake of The Phantom Menace to “Show Proper Portrayal of Trade Disputes.” By HAI SHANG SHILISouth China Seas Correspondent SCARBOROUGH SHOAL […]
Rat Who Claimed Ancestral Links To 15th-Century Scroll Painting Admits Lie
Discredited Lao Now Says Scroll Rat Was “Probably a Composite Character,” And Not Based On Any Specific Individual By BO GUAGUAWildlife Correspondent NANJING — A […]
China Daily Show Launches Meme Coin
China Daily Show Converts Editorial Integrity into Fungible Asset, Loses #1 Satirical Ranking Amongst Entire Subscriber Base of Six Readers By JUAN REMEMBER MEFinancial Correspondent […]
SOCIALISTS DESTROY AMERICA
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MSS Overwhelmed By Influx of Intelligence After Successful 100% Recruitment of Chinese Diaspora as Foreign Spies
“No detail too small,” says Party directive as direct mailers clog intelligence pipeline By SO SU MIState Security Correspondent BEIJING — The Ministry of State […]
President Trump Seals Trade Deals With Eternia, Dimension X, Island of Genosha
“It’s got everything—lava, bones, a guy screaming on a mountain,” Trump says of new Trump Tower Eternia project By GONGJI XUEPAIEconomics Correspondent WASHINGTON, D.C. (China […]
Chinese Spies Report Aimlessness, Depression, After Finding Advanced Spycraft Techniques Unnecessary In Trump Administration
By WAH NAHAmerican Correspondent Veteran spies worldwide have expressed dismay upon discovering their highly specialized training is no longer needed to extract secret information from […]
Glut of Cheap Plastic Junk Engulfs China After U.S. Applies Tariffs
By SHENG DANJIEConsumer Correspondent SHENZHEN — Just one week after the U.S. imposed sweeping tariffs on Chinese imports, provincial governors across China report being inundated […]
Official Report: Xi Jinping’s Family “Rich As Shit”
OFFICIAL REPORT By GONG CHANDANGOfficial Report Correspondent In a wild new report, it turns out Chinese President Xi Jinping and his family are “totally fucking […]