By HUAI SHASHOU
Crime Correspondent
BEIJING (China Daily Show) – A serial rapist who has eluded Chinese authorities for nearly two decades told China Daily Show reporters over breakfast Monday that “Beijing is actually very safe.”
“You really don’t see a lot of crime here,” reported the 37-year-old man, who asked to be identified only as Hu.
“Pickpockets on the public transportation system are about as bad as it gets,” observed Hu. “But they really annoy me. If I see one, I will call him out and hopefully a mob will gather and beat him, which he thoroughly deserves,” Hu added, with a mischievous wink.
Despite his words, Hu himself is no stranger to crime. Since 1992, he has been raping traffic cops, migrant workers and other village people, often in broad daylight.
“I’m not gay per se,” said Hu. “I just have a thing for uniforms. The trouble is, at the moment, almost every third person you see on the street is dressed up like a four-star general.”
Hu’s reign of terror began after a friend got a job in traffic management. “He put his uniform on and my instincts just kicked in. I got him drunk and, after he passed out, buddy-raped him. I don’t think he noticed. He’s certainly never mentioned it since.” Hu confessed to having an abnormally small penis, to which he attributes both his criminal tendencies and his success in eluding capture thus far.
“Most people just think I’m being incredibly over-friendly. After a while, they catch on that it’s a bit more than that. But by then, it’s too late: I’m doing my thing and wild horses couldn’t drag me off,” Hu chuckled. “Fact is, I’d like to move on with my life but there aren’t the resources here in Beijing to help with this kind of mental problem. Obviously, I’d much prefer to be molesting and terrorizing women and young girls, but for that I’ll need proper therapy.”
In the meantime, Hu says he plans to just take each male-rape as it comes. “I’ve already staked out a few security guards. They’re mostly just innocent young boys from the provinces, really. Easy meat. I’ll be in and out in a flash with no chance of getting busted.
“You just have to be smart, and think like a criminal.”
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