Baidu’s new self-driving taxi: Go-go or no no?

China’s fifth most-trusted search engine  Baidu has announced the forthcoming release of its groundbreaking ‘Robo Taxi.’

The Apollo RT6 is a self-driving vehicle that promises to revolutionize future lawsuits, the firm told media last week.

This exciting development is the data-collection agency’s latest leap forward in the automobile sphere, and comes after the disappearance of Baidu’s previous gadget, the Baidu Eye, a wearable device that legally had no connection to Google Glass.

Is it time to delete Didi? Here’s a quick guide to the forthcoming Baidu RT6

Pros

• Unlike Didi, Baidu Robo Taxi is largely guaranteed not to sexually molest passengers
• Allows access to the Great Firewall anywhere, everywhere
• In-car radio smoothly streams latest Peking Opera hits
• All RT6s made with fully breakable alloy materials
• Custom Baidu AI generates ‘barely legal’ pop-up ads
• Will definitely piss off Uber
• Musk, too

Cons

• Chinese government knows about your 2am booty calls
• Uses Baidu Maps, officially
• No steering wheel (or Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Gmail etc)
• Lawyers, NGO workers, journalists may experience access issues
• Frequent use can cause political apathy, newfound respect for authority
• Loyalty scheme demands absolute loyalty to Chinese Communist Party
• Unpatriotic language triggers loud, embarrassing sirens
• Automatically downloads dozens of Baidu apps that absolutely can’t be deleted
• Reduced functionality in disputed territories (eg, Diaoyu Islands, Philippines)