By RANDY MAJORS
Environment Correspondent
KUNMING (China Daily Show) — It’s a mystery that’s puzzled naturalists and fascinated the public for thousands of years. But this weekend, the riddle of Bigfoot — known in China as “Yeti,” “Wild Man” or “Abominable Snowman” — came to a heartbreakingly mundane conclusion, after a chance visit to a Chinese hotpot restaurant found the legendary ape-man an apparent staple on the menu.
Adrian Hamilton, 33, had been tracking Bigfoot rumors in China for the last decade and was on the verge of concluding a critical sponsorship deal that would have allowed him to launch a comprehensive study into the existence of the mythical creature, when he decided to pay a visit to “an unassuming and rather bland” Yunnan eatery for lunch.
“I walked in and they were casually chopping up a six-foot, hirsute biped,” a stunned Hamilton told China Daily Show. “After recovering from the initial shock, I started asking questions. All they could tell me was that it was the last one they had, and that it had already been pre-sold for a hotpot feast that evening.”
Restaurant owner, Wu Shen, 65, told China Daily Show that Bigfoot had proven a popular dish over the last six weeks when locals hunters discovered a family of the legendary beasts living in a cave, subsisting on harmless wild berries.
“’Man Face Gorilla Explode Over the Rice’ was ever our bestseller,” said Wu. “You do not know how sad I am now to see it is gone.”
“That doesn’t really matter anymore,” added Wu, “because we definitely sold the last one.”
Bigfoot meat, says Wu, helps replenish the spleen, revitalize the kidney, “and is especially good for men.”
Not to worry, say local hunters, who are currently following a trail of Siberian tiger tracks, whose muscular tail is rumored by old wives to make women feel like virgins.
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