China “Could Totally Do What The U.S. Just Did, But In Taiwan,” Boasts Xi

BEIJING — Moments after President Xi Jinping finished watching footage of U.S. forces executing a flawless joint operation in Caracas to abduct Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro, he reportedly turned to PLA General Li Qiaoming and asked, “We could do that to Lai Ching-te, right?” According to sources, Li paused just long enough to calculate how deep into the shit he could get before Xi figured out he was totally lying, and then replied, “Yes. In theory. Absolutely,” enthusiastically clarifying that the PLA was “spiritually, historically, and emotionally capable” of such an operation, while gently noting that it might require “another few decades of joint command integration, combat experience, intelligence fusion, and operational realism.” Li then reassured Xi that the PLA’s special forces were “among the best in PowerPoint,” adding that Taiwan’s proximity made the operation “conceptually very convenient,” even if the execution would involve “some coordination challenges, potential international incidents, and the complete collapse of operational secrecy.” Sources say Li repeatedly emphasized that Beijing’s preferred strategy remained “not doing anything rash,” citing Sun Tzu, Deng Xiaoping, and “common sense,” while subtly redirecting the conversation toward safer alternatives like issuing stern warnings, conducting large exercises, or waiting for history to solve the problem. Xi was said to nod approvingly, later telling aides that Li had confirmed the operation was “definitely possible,” just not “necessary right now, or ever.”