Unnamed Country Compared To North Korea

PYONGYANG — An unnamed country was compared to North Korea in a report today, and despite being left geographically vague — possibly being located in South America, Central Asia, Sub-Saharan or North Africa, or even an undiscovered nation state — it was found to perform better across nearly every metric of human existence. The unnamed nation, which may currently lack clean water, functioning courts, or reliable internet, still offered its citizens the ability to access foreign media, enjoy some privacy, or walk down the street without being stopped by state security forces asking why they were carrying a sandwich. Even war-torn states such as Nigeria, Syria, Somalia, or Burma, and places often described in diplomatic cables as “completely fucked,” like Haiti, were judged to be outperforming Pyongyang on indicators ranging from freedom of movement to the right not to starve in silence. The report concluded that while the as-yet-unknown country remains fragile, chaotic, and borderline uninhabitable, it nevertheless remains a safer and more dignified place to exist than North Korea.