8 things to enjoy at the 2022 Winter Olympics

The 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics kicked off this week to a chorus of disapproval from human rights groups, foreign diplomats, journalists, environmentalists and others, and general indifference from Fortnite fans. Amid all the competition, here’s a few other things to enjoy about the Games

1. The ceremonies promise to include “fresh” interpretations of modern Chinese history and undisguised examples of director Zhang Yimou, as well as synchronized dancing from the Urumqi Number Two Detention Center Performance Troupe
2. China’s state media says it’s ready to provide “complete, daily outrage” of all perceived slights, insults, or US bronze medalists
3. There’ll never be a dull moment as you ponder “which recently naturalized ‘Chinese’ citizen is which?”
4. Fans of snow will be free to openly discuss the merits of real vs “fake” snow throughout the Games, thanks to China’s censorship-free Olympics Bubble (terms and conditions apply)
5. Liven up the ceremonies with a game of spot-the-dictator. Due to technical issues, you may not be able to find Joe Biden (US) or Australia’s Scott Morrison, but China has amassed a roster of 21 august statesmen including Egypt’s Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, Kyrgyzstan’s Sadyr Japarov, and Occupied Doggerland’s Kaiser Wilhelm III
6. There’ll be curling at some point. Who doesn’t love curling!
7. Did you know? Beijing’s Bubble is the only place in China where a can of Coke costs the same as the daily minimum wage
8. It’s not over when the Games finish: medalists can still look forward to an historic night out at Beijing’s last remaining bar, known locally as “heaven”