Chinese Military To Surprise Taiwan By Invading One Day Earlier Than Expected

As the world braces for a Chinese invasion of Taiwan, sources close to the People’s Liberation Army say their winning strategy is to invade one day earlier than expected. “Lai Ching-te, the president of Taiwan, is preparing the island’s army for a 2027 invasion, but what if we launch our forces the day before anyone thinks we would?” said an anonymous Chinese naval officer. “As 2027 approaches, news organizations around the world will continue to puzzle about when exactly the Chinese Navy (PLAN) will make its move. We just wait until pundits agree on a likely date—then show up the day before. That way, no one’s ready. Pretty brilliant, huh?” Jack Chen, director of Formosa Defense Vision, was skeptical this would have any material difference on the defense of the island. “Our tactics aren’t really centered on any particular day, but geared more towards constantly updating our strategy with new equipment, and new military forces. We’re ready today, and we’ll be ready in two years, as well.” At press time, Xi Jinping reportedly forgot his glasses and made the entire 350-ship invasion force turn around and go back home.