RAT Just because your best friend’s business was failing and you bought it at 40% of its value, doesn’t make you the bad guy, right?
OX Your job suits you perfectly, as it requires no thinking and your rigid thoughts wouldn’t allow it, anyways.
TIGER Glorious state and federal charges await as you continue your pro-democracy crusade.
RABBIT Your desire to avoid confrontation probably means you’re going to lose out on adding Sandy Cay to your collection. Too bad, it would have completed the set.
DRAGON You really thought you could build your advanced weapons platform without germanium, didn’t you?
HORSE Your need for adventure will take you to unprecedented heights, but getting home will be a bitch.
SNAKE All your strategic maneuvering is for nothing ever since you brought that mule home.
SHEEP With those pesky sanctions now gone, this is the time to bring home that priceless Archaistic Jade Vase you’ve kept hidden all these years in that luggage locker at the Beijing Rail Station.
MONKEY You definitely ruined the party for everyone else, and you probably won’t be invited back.
ROOSTER Someone is bound to eventually notice you’ve been missing for two weeks now.
DOG Things aren’t working out like you planned, but that’s everyone else’s problem, not yours.
PIG Everybody thinks you look really cute in your fat merman costume. No, really.
Madame Jiang has been the China Daily Show astrologer since time immoral. She practices her art sporadically, as she cannot currently influence local government policy on superstition, selling false advice or imprisonment without trial.
Got a question for Madame Jiang? Contact us at cds@chinadailyshow.net
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